mezdeathhead


Rockabillyidolicious

The Ministry of Fools, and the Pity With Which Mr. T Regards Them


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On Gender
mezdeathhead
A friend's recent post got me thinking about something.

I've never identified with a gender. I don't consider myself to be female, nor do I wish to be male. I've never felt comfortable even thinking about it, frankly. This isn't to say that I don't recognize everyone else's gender, I have just never been concerned with my own. I love people who dress up. I love women that are all about dressing to the nines, and I'm all about men in a well-tailored suit. I also love seeing a man dressed "as a woman," and vice versa. I don't personally dress up very often, and when I do, I think it's relatively unisex. But I respect everyone's right to dress the way they please, and I wish others would do the same for me without assuming things about me that should not be assumed.

I've spent most of my life having others assume that I'm a lesbian. I don't know if it's the short hair, the way I dress, the way I talk, my build, or all of the above. I don't wear makeup. I don't believe in heals. I love wearing skirts, but I have a feeling that even wearing women's clothing, I probably look a bit like a man in drag. I spend more time explaining to people that I'm straight than you'd believe. This explanation is often met with surprise, and sometimes disbelief.

I don't think gender identity has anything at all to do with sexual orientation. And I'm curious as to why everyone else does. On a grander level, I'm curious as to why people are even concerned with sexual orientation at all (unless you're on the prowl, of course), but I recognize that I'd be foolish to hope for that to go away anytime soon. Unless you're trying to take me home, why does it matter what category I fall into? Do we need to all fit into tidy little compartments?

I'm not saying that people are even rude about it. It's often a casual comment, not even judgmental (I think). But it happens to me on a weekly basis. Does everyone feel like they need to explain their gender/orientation that often?

I could frankly care less if you're a man or a woman, straight or gay, proud or not of your orientation or gender, and I could care less what you think of of my own identity. I guess I'm just tired of talking about it, because when I talk about it, I have to be aware of it. There are plenty of things that I do identify with. There are plenty of neat compartments that I'm more than happy to put myself in, with or without your help. Gender just happens to not be one of them.

(edit to add)

I suppose the way I dress is "the way that a lesbian would dress," whatever that means. Does that mean that if I were to dress like batman, I would be a superhero?

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I'm pretty sure you're already a superhero. <3
Especially now that you've written this out. I've always felt that yes, I am physically a female, but it's nothing more than that. My being (or others being) either female or male means so, so little to me. We are who we are. I am who I want to be, and mentally, that just happens to be something in-between the two genders. A nice, comfy mix of both. A mix that is slowly getting more and more comfortable to me. Hurrah!

I like it :) Now to work on the comfortable part for me... I think it would honestly be easier if I didn't constantly feel like I had to explain it. Do you find yourself in that situation often?

Well, I think the fact that I have some considerable self-esteem issues that require me to wear gobs of makeup tends to be helpful in other people's assumptions of me (whether they are true or not, whatevs). So nobody seems to care or never at least they don't care enough to bring it up. Plus, I never see anyone outside of work, home or Katalist.

Why do you feel like you have to explain anything? Are these people that are asking straight up, or do you just feel like you have to lay it out there so they know BEFORE they ask anything?

They are typically people that ask me straight up. A lot of the time, it's folks from within the GLBT community who say things like "you know what it's like," and I have to be like, well, not really. It's bizarre, honestly.

Strangely enough, I don't really have self-esteem issues about my appearance. Frankly, if I didn't like it, I'd change it. I just hate that it makes me feel like I'm breaking some kind of societal rule, where I'm displaying that I'm something that I'm not, if that makes any sense. I don't really know how to word it.

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